Just 5 more days
...until I settle into a life unlike one I've ever had before.
It's funny, because even though I was with Jeff for so long, we never were able to work together the way that Kevin and I do. Kevin and I not only complete each other in a way that amazes me, but we are able to work through things and help each other out comfortably. It's not a matter of checks and balances, it's a matter of understanding and teamwork. Who knew that things could be this easy when you have someone backing up your decisions because they actually made them with you.
Come to think of it, Jeff and I were always more roommates than we were a couple.
Isn't it odd that, as it turns out, I had to be with Jeff, involuntarily move to Reno for his job, and have him strand me here in order to meet the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with? It's funny when we realize just how true it is that everything happens for a reason and, subsequently, everything happens exactly the way that it is supposed to. It's amazing how you can look back and see this being true in chains of past events....and yet you realize just how blind you were when you were in the midst of everything.
I'm so happy right now. I feel like I owe someone a thank you.
What a difference a day makes
I've been busy stressing and venting and venting and stressing. All in all, my soul is feeling a bit tired.
It's not that I'm not happy - trust me, I'm happy beyond all belief! But there is something about the scrimping and saving and packing and cleaning that goes with moving that just exhausts the brain, the body, and the very core of your being. Bit by bit, I find myself becoming less than excited just because I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed.
On top of it all, my other half is overwhelmed. He's got stuff going on at work that makes him crazy, he's got the same money and packing and cleaning worries that I do, and now he's trying to get a job in a whole new career field. Needless to say, each of us is accidentally rubbing our personal stress off on the other and, thus, we both feel a bit like imploding. It can't be the best thing that has ever happened for our relationship. Of course, it's something that we have to learn to go through and deal with if we plan to make it for the long haul.
But, let's be honest, in times like this, I revert to drawing from my past experiences....which were less than satisfactory. And, on account of that, I find myself lashing out under duress....and this is absolutely not okay. NOT OKAY. I swear, I need to find a few minutes a day to start doing pilates again and just center my core....or something like that.
I'm only human....of flesh and blood I'm made
Sometimes, it's hard not to let stress get the best of you. Stress from moving, stress from still dealing with the worst neighbors on earth, stress from knowing that the man you love is stuck in a miserable work situation and there is nothing that you can do about it, stress from having to budget so tightly.....it's enough to make your head spin like a scene straight out of the exorcist.
But, sometimes, I let me stress get the best of me and I turn into the world's most evil bitch ever....for no reason. And I lash out at the last people on earth who deserve it - the people who love me.
I am hereby resolving to accept that things are going to happen as they will. You all know that I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason...well, that includes the bad, stressful things. This is a learning and growing opportunity and I'm going to take it in with open arms instead of trying to find ways around it. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to - it always does.
Strange thing that I can't stop thinking about: Kevin went to Bully's the other night to get us some food. Now, for those of you who aren't aware, Kevin has been afflicted with a drinking problem in the past that he sometimes stumbles back into. Understanding the grip of addiction all too well because I've been there with more substances than he's probably ever even tried, I have quit drinking to support his sobriety. That's not to say that I won't still have a night out with the girls - but now it's something I reserve for special occasions, not just dinner.
Anyways, back to the point of this story: Kevin goes to Bully's and he calls me to tell me that he's being annoyed by all of the drunk people and that it's been rather difficult to be in a bar and grill at midnight and not get a drink. This is completely understandable. He comes home and tells me that this drunk chick was hitting on him at the bar. I ask "Did you tell her that you were there getting food for your girlfriend?" and he responds with "So, I told her that I was getting food for myself and my fiance....to which she responded
oh, are you guys serious? to which I said yes, she's my
fiance".
Fiance. Whoa.
I didn't really do anything - I just laughed as he pointed out that he said he had a fiance and she actually asked if it was serious. "That's how drunk she was honey", he said with a laugh. But I haven't been able to get the phrase out of my head for the last 3 days. Does Kevin really plan to marry me? We've talked about what our wedding rings would look like or what we would want to name our future children but we've never actually talked about getting married. Of course, if he asked me to marry him I would absolutely say yes. Heck, I've already figured out his perfect proposal - at dinner, at Ichiban (where we met), on a night when we can get a bunch of our friends to go (Tamara, Mandie & Steve, Jen, Niki, Tasheena, David & Danielle, Sarah) - we get one of our favorite chefs to cook dinner (I prefer Francisco) and he's in on it too.....so that when he does the shakers at the end of the meal, he actually tosses the ring to Kevin and he asks me to marry him. It would be BEYOND romantic. The only thing that would be more romantic is if Kevin was actually cooking the table and I was out with my girls...but I don't anticipate he'll still be working there by the time he gets around to asking me to marry him. Yeah, it's obvious that I've spent entirely too much time daydreaming.
Honestly, I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know it will be fantastic, however it plays out. Moving him into a home with Nevin and I is the first step towards being a family....so I can only hope for what may come next. :)
On that note, happy mother's day to all of the wonderful moms out there whom I cherish so dearly. Know that you are appreciated and respected for all that you do.
Good night & much love.
*happy dance*
We've been approved! The condo is ours!! Lease signing next week - move in on the 27th. We're
really doing this and it's so amazing.
Wow - I'm going to have my first ever garage to park my car in....
Reality sinking in
I'm so excited right now. We are waiting for the final word to come back on the condo we picked out (one of my old landlord's is slacking on the rental verification) but the property manager said it's as good as ours. YES!
I've got to pinch myself later. Seriously.
Moving In
Who knew that moving in with someone you love could be so scary and yet so exciting all at the same time.
I know it sounds funny, but I never thought I'd do this again. Ever. I had resigned myself to living life alone....at least until Nevin was all grown up. Now i'm presented with this whole new part of my life. It's not even like it's a new chapter - it's a whole new book.
Sometimes, I wake up and I feel like it just can't be real. I seriously have nearly everything I've ever wanted. Give us some time and who knows what's next...but this is just a really huge step. Like I said, I never saw myself being able to open myself up enough to love someone this way, let alone want to build a future with them, build a home with them, invite them into my son's life....
Everything always works out the way that it is supposed to. Thank goodness things are finally working themselves out.....
